There is an antiphon for the feast of St. James that has always stunned me: “They drank the chalice of the Lord and became the friends of God.”

St. James is one of the Apostles who dared to ask Jesus if he could sit at his right or left in the kingdom of heaven. Jesus responds, “Are you able to drink the cup that I drink, or to be baptized with the baptism with which I am baptized?” (Mk 10:38) And what is this cup? It is the cup of suffering.

What strikes me most is the way the Church’s prayer connects drinking the cup of suffering with becoming friends of God.

One way I’ve come to think of suffering in the Christian life is an invitation to deep friendship with the Lord. We know the phrase “fair-weather friend”— friends who are happy to be by our side when things are going well—but our deepest, most profound relationships are usually with those who don’t abandon us in the trenches and are by our side at our worst.

It is appealing to be with Jesus on the Mount of the Beatitudes, hearing his beautiful teachings or at the feeding of the five thousand, witnessing a miracle. It is much, much harder to be on the Mount of Crucifixion, sharing in his suffering and agony. But when Jesus invites us to follow him and conform our lives to his, his invitation is to join Him for the whole of his life, not just the exciting, miraculous parts. Jesus isn’t looking for fair-weather friends; he’s looking for deep, profound, intimate friendship with us. The invitation to share in his cross isn’t just about dying to self and enduring trial and affliction for the sake of the Gospel. It is also about deep, intimate friendship.

As you encounter life’s crosses, I would invite you to pray with this antiphon and ask Jesus to reveal to you the beauty of deep friendship with Him, friendship that won’t quit and won’t let you down, no matter how ugly it gets.