Discovering Jesus

I experienced three key events that have allowed me to know God loves me, hear his call to mission, and place my whole life in his hands.

The first happened when I was four. My brother had died from cancer. After he passed away, my family really struggled. Six months later, my mom took me to visit friends who were praying the rosary for us. While they prayed, I looked out at the end of the driveway and saw Michael walking with Jesus. My brother had the biggest, most beautiful smile. I cried, “Mom, it’s Michael and Jesus!”

She ran downstairs and didn’t see anything, but I could still see them. When I went outside, they were gone.

The second event happened during a time in my life when I had rejected Jesus. Where we lived, the Northern Lights were a regular occurrence. One evening, while there was nothing “spectacular” about them, my girlfriend and I felt compelled to see them at a nearby clearing. Immediately after we arrived, the Northern Lights moved closer and eventually filled the entire night sky with dancing streams of dazzling colors. Then, in an instant, they disappeared, the entire sky went black, and an image of Mary holding the baby Jesus faded into the sky. I said, “Look at that—it’s Mary and Jesus.”

My girlfriend agreed. It faded away, and an outline of a dove appeared. Then it all faded away and the Northern Lights returned to the northern part of the night sky.

After that, I became painfully aware of the emptiness of the party scene and other things I was doing. I yearned for something more.

The third event happened while attending a retreat later that year. We were in a chapel with a Divine Mercy image. Jesus’ eyes in that image followed me wherever I went. I tried to get Him to look away by reminding Him that I was just a drunk and washed-up football player. But He didn’t look away.

Then, He spoke: “Kevin, I love you. Take up your cross and follow Me.”

I had never understood that God could be personal, let alone love me. I never thought there was anything worth loving about me. It was transformative for Him to say those words.

Later, the priest asked anyone who felt called to surrender their lives to the Lord to raise their hand. My mom was with me, and while I didn’t want her to see my deep connection with God, my need for God in my life mattered more than any awkwardness with my mom. So, I raised my hand and walked up, while my mom cried in the background.

Transformative Prayer

After that, I attended a beautiful worship event. The preacher spoke about the Jesus Prayer—saying Jesus’ name with our breath at the most basic form, but in its long form, saying, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, be merciful to me, a sinner.”

The idea is to try to say those words and remember God more often than we remember our breath.

I had major surgery on my ankle two weeks later. I was laid up for six months, three on a couch and three in a walking cast. I only knew two prayers: the Jesus Prayer (in its most basic form) and the Hail Mary. I faithfully recited them more often than I drew breath, and it was utterly transformative. That period was integral for my relationship with Jesus. Otherwise, who knows how long it may have taken before I really had my heart captivated?

Next Steps

After my recovery, I attended an Ignatian retreat, where the priest said he thought God was calling me to be an evangelist. A week later, I was asked to lead a confirmation retreat. Then, I joined a team that did Life in the Spirit Seminars. Later, I attended a Catholic Bible School that builds people up for mission and proclamation of the Gospel.

After graduation, I got involved in various mission teams and even spent some time in seminary. I left to go on a mission in Ireland and England for three months, but felt called to return home to continue getting to know the woman I would later marry. We were married in 2003 and now have three daughters.

A Time of Purification

I love doing ministry work. However, there was a purgative time when no doors were opening. I had to surrender my desire for ministry and the gifts I thought I had. Anything I felt like I was good at—public speaking, prayer ministry, etc.—I had to surrender to God.

St. John of the Cross says even the tiniest of threads can keep a bird tied down and unable to soar. I was trying to cut all these little threads, but I couldn’t get rid of my desire to preach the Gospel as a missionary. I had a good career in financial services but began to feel like I was walking in two different worlds. I wanted to preach the Gospel and do more mission-related things, but I couldn’t do them both.

In the spring of 2022, I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of macular degeneration. The doctor said I would experience partial blindness in five years and full blindness in ten. I immediately thought, “Lord, I don’t want to go blind selling life insurance, I want to go blind preaching the Gospel!”

That’s when I decided I couldn’t live in both worlds. After a time of discernment, I left my career in finance and, with my wife, founded Boats on Fire Catholic Ministries in late 2023. We set our “boats on fire” to proclaim the Gospel to all nations.

Shortly after my decision to leave my job, I had another optometrist appointment. This time, the doctor said there was no longer any sign of macular degeneration! We saw this as a sign from God.

I love being a missionary. However, I also want to have a sense of detachment to it; I want to be more attached to the heart of Jesus than to being a missionary.

Just like gold is refined in fire, God calls us into his all-consuming fire. We’re certainly getting purified, but sometimes we hang onto the edge and build for ourselves a type of safety net. We’ve got to allow ourselves to plunge deep into love’s crucible, so there’s nothing left that’s not purified and united with the heart of Jesus.

Partnering with Renewal Ministries

I first met Jim “Butch” Murphy, a Renewal Ministries’ country coordinator, at the Bible school I attended. He shared his story and talked about discipleship and living in the Spirit. Everyone loved him, so he came back, and every time he returned, we connected. He shared stories about serving on mission in Mexico City with Renewal Ministries, and I felt drawn to it. Somehow, I knew it would be part of my life. In 2017, my wife and I went on mission in Mexico City together, and in 2019, I felt called to go back. Covid stalled everything, but God used that time to purify our desires and help us cling more to his heart, rather than getting attached the idea of being missionaries.

I was able to return in October of 2021—and I’ve returned for almost every mission since then. I’m grateful for this and for increasing opportunities to serve with Renewal Ministries in Canada.

A Missionary Heart

Bohus Zivcak, another Renewal Ministries’ country coordinator, describes a missionary heart as one that’s been pierced by the same lance that pierced Christ’s side. He said part of the missionary’s heart has been broken off and planted in his mission field. That’s true for me. There’s something about the people, the place, and the things that we do with them that has pierced my heart. Paradoxically, it also remains a place where my heart has found rest.

The missionaries who serve with us are completely transformed. I view this Mexico mission as a journey into the heart of Our Lady of Guadalupe. It’s precisely in her heart that we encounter Jesus in his most desperate form: we encounter Jesus in the poor.

In Canada, I get the sense that people know that there is something missing in their faith journey. To compensate, they try to renovate their parishes or have a coffee bistro after Mass. Those things are good but miss the mark of what our hearts long for—total surrender into the heart of Jesus.

As Catholics and missionaries, we need to know Jesus as the lover of our soul and the one for whom our soul longs—like a beggar. Evangelization, at its core, is one beggar telling the other beggar where the bread is. Inspired by this disposition of heart, when we proclaim the Gospel, we simply need to be ourselves. I’m who God made me to be, and my voice and character and background—as unpolished as it all might seem—is precisely what God has chosen.

Courageously, then, let’s be who God made us to be and hold nothing back as we proclaim the Gospel in the power and anointing of God!

This article originally appeared in Renewal Ministries’ November 2025 newsletter.