I was born with an extra bone in my foot that causes severe pain. Once I stopped growing, I underwent invasive surgery. It was just a week after my conversion, and I spent a week in the hospital. During that time, I constantly recited the Hail Mary, one of the only two prayers I knew.
One night, while I was still in the hospital, I woke up to a beautiful woman praying over my foot. The room was dark, but she was illuminated by moonlight from the window and had waist-length, curly brown hair and royal blue surgical clothing. She looked up, and our eyes met. She joyfully smiled, slowly lifted her hands off my foot, and calmly walked away. Her expression filled me with indescribable joy.
When I tried to thank her, the nurses said they didn’t know anyone matching that description. In fact, no one had entered my room—which was right across from the triage desk. I knew it must have been Our Lady.
Despite this great spiritual consolation, I spent the next six months in casts. My foot healed improperly and often causes severe pain and challenging limitations. Standing for long periods is difficult, and sometimes I can’t walk more than a block. Subsequent surgeons have told me the surgery I had is ineffective and causes severe osteoarthritis. One even suggested amputation as the only “fix.” Another fix—often overlooked—is our Father’s love and providence. Every atom is under his control. But if He can restore my foot, why doesn’t He?
About six months ago, while some friends prayed over my foot, I felt a cool breeze inside of it that continued even after I returned home. The next day—praise God—I played soccer with my daughter without complications!
Since then, my foot has been consistently sixty percent better than it was six months ago, although I still experience some debilitating pain. I am grateful for this significant improvement!
However, why does God not completely cure my condition? This question can frustrate me and even lead me to argue with God.
God can work miracles, so there must be a reason why He doesn’t always bring healing or brings it slowly or partially.
I take solace in knowing that even Jesus had two attempts at restoring the Blind Man of Bethsaida (Mk 8:22-26). I’m not sure why his sight didn’t fully return immediately, but one detail is easy to miss: “Some people brought to (Jesus) a blind man, and begged him to touch him” (Mk 8:22). In other words, the blind man didn’t ask for his own healing. When Jesus “took (the blind man) by the hand and led him out of the village” and partially healed him (Mk 8:23-24), perhaps He was giving the man a foretaste of what’s possible—as well as an idea of who he was walking with—and giving the blind man a chance to beg for himself. Perhaps the delay allowed their relationship to grow.
At the heart of it all is the Principal of Abandonment—giving the Lord permission to do whatever He wants with us.
If I’m not quite ready for a full healing—or if it’s not his timing—Jesus may take me for a walk, and we’ll chat. Perhaps He will offer me partial healing, complete healing, or the opportunity to stay the course and receive my complete healing in heaven. As long as I am walking with Him, perhaps my response should be less “Why haven’t you brought more physical healing, Lord?” and more “Thank You. No matter what, help me always stay close to You.”
Kevin Philip is an evangelist, podcaster, and speaker who has a particular passion for challenging Catholic men to follow their vocation in life with courage and conviction. He is a Renewal Ministries country coordinator. He also has founded a ministry focused on evangelism called Boats on Fire and a corresponding Substack called Beggars & Sailors. He lives in Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada, with his wife and three daughters.
rmartin@renewalministries.net
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Thanks for this great article. There surely needs to be more reflection on this topic which many people struggle with.